The Lone Survivor
by TheAwkwardNerd
Summary: When Peeta kills himself for Katniss,she has to learn to deal with the grief.However, knowing that she will do anything to save her family,Snow has other plans. Katniss starts to sympathize with Finnick when she realises that she will have a lot in common with him. Getting sold is no fun and they start to become friends.Will they be able to help each other? Not Katnick.
1. The Victory

**Hey!This is my first fanfic and I have little experience at writing so if you have any tips or constructive criticism, please do review and tell me what you thought.I will try to update as much (and as quickly) as possible but I do have school until 6 plus hours of homework!**

 **I may do this in multiple POVs but I don't know at the moment it's in Katniss' POV.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer-Suzanne Collins created all these amazing characters.**

 **TAD**

"Fine, I'll go first anyway." He leans down and rips the bandage off his leg, eliminating the final barrier between his blood and the earth.

"No, you can't kill yourself,"As I jump down to replaster his already crimson leg, Peeta reaches down.I think he is going to stop me but instead he picks up a nightlock berry that must have fallen out of my pouch. Before I can stop him he says,

"I have always loved you and always will. Live happily enough for both of us."

He kisses me and eats the nightlock. He immediately falls down clutching his throat and despite me trying to get it out, and dies a minute later. I start to sob when I hear the cannon.

"Ladies and gentlemen! May I present to you the victor of the 74th annual hunger games, Katniss Everdeen!"

A ladder drops down from the hovercraft but I don't want to leave Peeta. I lie on top of him sobbing until somebody comes down and I feel and sharp jab in my back and then everything goes black.

When I wake up at first I don't know where I am but then I remember Peeta and start sobbing again. I can't believe his ever reliable hand isn't here for me to hold, his comforting words to calm me down. At first I guess it was an act but I realize that I really did care about him. I'm not saying that I loved him cause I don't know. Maybe I did a little. I think I loved him in a best friend kind-of-way. I guess I'll never know.

Then I think of Gale. I can't wait to see him. I think I love him. I didn't really think about it in the games because I didn't know I would ever see him again. I'll have to talk to him about this cause I know he'll be jealous because of Peeta, but he'll understand. I guess I'll also have to wait awhile to tell people because I was supposed to be in love with Peeta.

When I try to get out of bed I see that I have a black band around my waist

After having been sobbing for about 10 minutes I get knocked out by a tube in my arm.

This process happens for a few days except the red headed avox girl sometime comes into the room to give me some food.

When I wake up the next time the band is gone so I get out of bed and get ready to go see Haymitch. That's when I realise that I am naked. I see with shock that the burn on my calf is nonexistent and the scars not only from the arena but also accumulated from years of hunting are gone! I run my hands through my silky hair and freeze when I hear rustling! From my left ear! I can't believe they reconstructed it but then, why not? They've got tons of technology.

I find the clothes I wore in the games and flinch. I grit my teeth and put them on, knowing that I need to wear them to see Cinna.

When I walk out the sliding wall that I noticed the avox girl go out of last time she brought me food, I hear,

"Katniss?" Effie!

I run to the voice and surprise everyone, including myself, by launching myself into Haymitch's arms.

"Nice job sweetheart. "I don't even scowl at him.

Then I hug Cinna and Effie. I want to talk to Cinna alone but don't know how to say so without offending Effie. I know Haymitch wouldn't care. Cinna seems to understand an says,

"Come on Katniss. We need to make you look presentable."

I follow him as he leads me into a room of the side of the corridor.

Once we get in I immediately burst into tears.

"I miss Peeta so much! I think I loved him a bit but I think that I also love Gale so I don't know who I love! It's my fault he's dead!" I sob

"It's okay. You're going to go home see Prim, your mother and Gale and a few days with the cameras around and then you'll have your whole life to decide. It's not your fault he's dead" He soothes

"It is my fault! He killed himself for me!"

"It's not your fault Katniss."

After I've calmed down Flavius, Venia and Octavia come in and 'remake' me.

Cinna puts me in a beautiful candle-like frock that shimmers when I move.

As if in no time it is time for the interview. Just before it Haymitch whispers to me,

"Pretend you're still in love with him."

"Let's welcome our victor of the 74th annual hunger games! Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire!"

"Thank you Caesar." I reply. All I can think is, stay calm, stay calm.

"So Katniss, how did you find the games?"

"They were fine when I had Peeta by my side." Everyone sighed at this.

I answer all the question in this fashion until he asked,

"I know this is a hard question to ask but what was going through your mind in those last few moments?"

"I just wanted both of us to live. I shouldn't have let him kill himself." My voice wavers at this

After that the recap of the games is shown. I try to block it out but I can't once Cato's cannon fires. When I see Peeta die I try not to cry but I let out a few silent tears. I'm not going to give the Capitol any more than that that.

Then President Snow comes forward and places a crown on top of my head.

"Well done, Miss Everdeen." He smells horribly of roses and blood.

Once Haymitch guides me to my bed he calms me down, (something I didn't know he could), and then leaves me to sleep. Surprisingly I find sleep immediately but it is disturbed with nightmares of the arena. When I wake up sweating and shaking I decide I won't (and don't want to) go back to sleep.

I go out to breakfast even though it's 6 in the morning and am surprised to see Haymitch.

I'm about to ask why he's up so early when he says,

"President Snow wants to talk to you." He says angrily.

"Why? I haven't done anything." Surely a talk with President Snow can't be good.

"I don't know. Just be civil."

"Okay. When does he want to see me?"

"He said as soon as possible so eat something and then I'll take you."

"I don't want anything at the moment."

"Okay then, sweetheart. If you're sure."

"Yeah. Let's just get this over with."

We get driven to the President's mansion and I can't help but gasp. It's massive. We are guided through halls and corridors with crystal chandeliers and regal carpets.

"You can wait here." The man leading us says authoritatively to Haymitch. "You can go in, Miss Everdeen."

I walk into Snow's office.

"Why hello Miss Everdeen."

"Hello, President." I try to sound calm.

"Please sit down." His slimy voice commands.

I sit down as he says,

"As you know, a lot of the victors, especially the favored ones, spend a lot of time in the capitol." I nod my head, not trusting myself to speak. "Well, I have a deal with them. I own their body. I am able to sell it to whomever I please. And in return, they keep their family. I purpose to offer the same bargain."

Refusal jumps to my lips but he shuts it down by triumphantly saying,

"What a shame it would be, if your friend Gale fell into the electrified fence. Or say, if your sister suddenly became clumsy while holding a knife. Or if your mother drank something a bit off."

I see what he is getting at and accept defeat.

"I'm sure that we can come to an arrangement."

"Excellent. Your first appointment is in a week. Apparently you are popular. I will call or send you a letter nearer the time. If you are unsatisfactory to any of my clients someone in your family may tragically pass away." He leaves this to sink in. "Do not tell anyone and tell your family not to read your letters. You may go now. If anyone finds out Gale might be involved in a mining accident."

I hurry out and usher Haymitch out the building.

Once we get on the train I really begin to sob.

"Hey what's the matter?" Although he seems to already know.

I hug him and whisper in his ear,

"Not here."

He waits for an hour then asks for a break so he can get some fresh air. I accompany him out and tell him everything.

"I thought this might happen."

"Did this happen to you?"

"No. When I was in the arena I used the force field against another tribute to win and when I came back all my family were gone. This does happen to quite a few victors from 1 and happened to Johanna Mason for a bit until she refused. She doesn't have a family anymore. But it seems that you and Finnick Odair are the most popular. I'm sorry this happened to you"

"I'm sorry for your family."

"Don't worry sweetheart. They're probably happier dead."

"But my first one is in a week!" I say, hysteria rising. "What do I do?"

"I don't know. I never did this. Talk to Finnick on your victory tour."

We are called back inside and I go straight to my car not wanting to see anyone.

 **Thanks for reading, once again please review if you have any suggestions,**

 **TAD**


	2. Finnick

**Hey! I'm glad that I got this out cause I've known what would happen in this chapter since the start. Leave a review if you have any tips or thoughts.**

 **Hope you like it,**

 **TAD**

When I arrive home everyone is cheering. I run forward and hug Prim.

"Katniss! You came back just like you promised!"

"Sure I did little duck." I try to smile but I'm too upset. I think the reporters think that it's cause of Peeta. Next I hug my mother, then Gale.

I walk into my new home in the Victors Village and shut the door. Then I slump down on a couch and begin to cry. Prim and my mother are immediately there, making soothing noises and letting me cry myself out. They don't ask what's wrong because they think they know what's wrong but they don't know the half of it. I'm actually crying because I can't help but imagine the families and marriages I will tear apart.I keep on wondering how many times I will have to go until they lose interest. I thought once I had won the games that would be it. Now, not only did I have to kill people, I have to be a whore.

I am silent during dinner and when I escape up to my room, I collapse onto my bed, fully dressed.

I fall asleep only to be woken up by my nightmare of Pieta's death. Prim rushes in, having heard my screams.

She convinces me that it's over. I never have to go back in.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was Peeta. I don't want to tell her anything else. She nods her head.

"I'm really sorry about him."

"Don't worry."

"Did you really love him, or was it just for the cameras?" She says this cautiously.

"I don't know." I sigh

"I think that you cared about him a lot but only loved him as a really good friend." She explains wisely.

"Yeah I guess so."

"You must be tired with all cameras going around. You should go to sleep."

"Yeah, that's true. The Capitol never leave their victor alone."

"What's it like?"

"Prim please never ask me about the arena." I can't believe she asked me that! I thought she was the tactful one!

"No! I mean the Capitol!"

"Well...they all look like freaks. They have tattoos all over their body and some of them even have whiskers! The Capitol itself is massive. They have so much technology that now I don't have a single scar. I can even hear out of my left ear!"

"Wow! What's Haymitch like?"

"He's usually drunk, but when he's sober he's moody and sarcastic. But he kept me alive and I don't blame him for drinking."

"Why does he drink so much?"

"Because of the games." I don't want to explain it in more detail. "But don't worry. I won't be drinking any time soon."

Prim giggles and we end up going to sleep in the same bed. Prim seems to keep the nightmares at bay.

The next morning I go down to have my breakfast of broth. My mother comes in holding a letter.

"Who's that from?"

"I don't know. It's addressed to you and it's from the Capitol. Do you know who it's from?"

She starts to open it and I spring up and snatch it from her hand.

"Katniss" She looks at me in a mixture of upset and confusion

"Sorry. It's just that I got told that you guys aren't allowed to read my mail...because it may be to do with the games." I know my mother sees right through my lie but, for whatever reason she lets it slide.

I go upstairs with the letter, knowing what it'll be about. It says,

 _Dear Miss Everdeen,_

 _Your first appointment will require you to leave at nine in the morning in four days' time. You will be departing on the train station and you will be going to District 4._

 _My client wishes you to wear comfortable, on formal clothes._

 _You will be told his name nearer the time._

 _You will return the following morning._

 _Remember to do well,_

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Coriolanus Snow._

I start to cry. I don't want to leave my family just to lose my virginity to some rich Capitol man.

Once I have composed myself I go downstairs and announce to my mother and Prim,

"In four days' time I need to go to District 4."

"Why? You've only just come back." Prim exclaims. My mother just stays silent.

"I have to go, but I'll only be gone for a day and a bit."

"But still. Can't you just stay?" Prim complains

"No I need to go."

"But why."

"Because I have to." This is harder than I thought.

"Just tell me. Then I'll understand."

"It's Capitol business."

"But-"

"Prim, just stop asking. It's clear that she's not going to tell us." My mother finally says.

"Thank you. I'm going to go over to Haymitch's."

With that I stride out to Haymitch's house. He isn't up yet so I chuck a pitcher of water over him. He stands up slashing a knife.

"Oh. It's you."

"I think we should go on a walk." He seems to understand so he comes along with me after changing into dry clothes. I tell him about my first appointment.

"District 4 huh?"

"Yeah. I don't know why."

"I think I do."

"Why?"

"Never mind."

"Haymitch. I say warningly

"I don't want to get your hopes up" What? Get my hopes up? Why?

We both head over to the bakery to offer our condolences.

There is a tinkle of a bell when we walk intone Pieta's mum, or the witch, sees me she walks over to me and scolds me,

"Thank you very much for killing my son. I don't know why he fell for you. You're not even that pretty. What are you here for anyway? To laugh at my face?"

"No we actually came to say so-."

"Well don't. We don't need your sympathy."

We start to leave but comes and says sadly,

"Thank you for trying to keep him alive." I start to speak but he cuts me off. "He really loved you. Thank you for coming."

I buy some the apple pie with goat's cheese that Peeta talked about and deliberately give Mr. Mellark way too many coins. He starts to tell me but I say,

"Thank you for taking care of Prim. I am really sorry about Peeta."

With that I and Haymitch walk out.

"You go. I want to talk to Gale."

He nods and makes his way back to the Victors Village nursing a hangover.

As I make my way through the Seam I leave coins under people's door mats. I hear a whoop and feel a smile forming.

"What are you grinning about, Girl on Fire?"

"Gale!" I turn around and launch myself into his arms

"I'm so glad you're back. Things can go back to normal."

"Yeah." I feel myself smiling but I know, nothing's going to be the same.

"Let's go." Others may have had to ask where, but not meshed means the woods.

"Sure. I just need to go back to my old house."

We go and I grab my hunting jacket and soft leather boots.

We are in the woods for about ten minutes when I shoot a turkey, but instead of seeing the turkey fall, I see the boy from 1.I fall to me knees shrieking.

"Katniss!"

"It's fine." I say shakily." Just a flashback."

"I didn't know the games did that." Gale said thoughtfully

"That's why so many of the victors drink" Well that and other things.

We carry on going but get jumped by wild dog. We scurry up a tree and shoot at them. I start screaming again when I see the mutts jumping at us.

"Katniss. It's okay."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Katniss.I know the games were bad, but are you sure you're not going over the top."

"Gale! You have no idea what the games were like! I wake up every night from nightmares of killing people or watching them die! You have no idea!"

"Sorry that was stupid." Well duh. "Let's go back. We can go hunting on Sunday. I can't hunt any other day cause I have to go to the mines now."

"I can't hunt with you on Sunday."

"Why?" He looks angry now

"Because I have to go to 4. Capitol business" I say the last bit before he asks

"What business?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you. Sorry."

"It's okay. I just can't believe they're making you go when you've only just come back." He says angrily.

"Yeah I know."

By that time we're back at Gale's house.

"Hello Katniss."

"Hi Hazelle."

"Good to see you back." She smiles and pulls me into a warm hug. I slip a few coins into her hand and whisper in her ear,

"Don't tell Gale" She understands. Gale would never accept it but it will make the next few days a bit easier.

Sunday rolls around so I say goodbye to my family and a shouldering Gale, Haymitch just shoots me a sympathetic look, and board the train. It is the same type of train that took me to the Capitol.

When we are ten minutes away from 4 I receive a note saying,

 _My clients name is Finnick Odair._

 _He will be waiting for you at the train station._

 _Remember to put on a good show._

That gets me thinking. Finnick Odair. Why would he want me? He has to go through this so how can he do it to someone else? Anger is coursing through my veins when I meet him at the platform. I am civil when he escorts me to the beach.

"Do you fancy a swim?" I am surprised at this. Aren't I here to lose my virginity? Anyway, if he wanted to swim he wouldn't have to ask.

"I don't have anything to swim in."

"Don't worry. I have a costume here for you." It is like underpants and a bra that are attached with cloth in the middle. Interesting. He could have just told me to get naked. He surprises me even more by turning away to let me change with some privacy. I get changed and he pulls off his shirt and sandals.

We go swimming for what seems ages. When we are nearly there, or so I am told it is dark. There, is a small wooden raft. He gets on and I follow, unsure of what is going to happen. He must know that I am worried because he says,

"By the way, I don't plan on doing anything to you. I just wanted to talk in private and this was the only way."

"Why did you want to talk to me?"

"Because I wanted to give you advise that I never got."

"What advice"

"First of all, I want you to be completely honest with media can't help you if you lie."

"Okay. What do you want to know?"

"Are you a virgin? "He says bluntly

"Yes." Where is he going with this?

"Do you have anyone back at 12 that you would be okay having sex with?" What!

"Why?"

"Because you don't want to lose your virginity to some old creep from the Capitol."

I nod my head. That is true. "I guess I could do it with my friend, Gale."

"Do you think he would let you?"

"Probably. If I told him why. Because we're not really a couple or anything."

"Okay. Tell him that you need to because the people in the Capitol won't leave you alone because you're a virgin."

"Okay. What if he says no?"

"Then buy me for a night."

"What! I can't have sex with you! We've only just met!"

"True .But I'll be slower on you than the people from the Capitol. I'll also be a nicer way to lose your virginity. Don't you think?"

"Yeah I guess so. Is that all you wanted to talk to me about."

"No."

"What else is there?"

"Don't refuse. I refused once so Snow sent Annie to the games."

"Annie?"

"Annie Cresta. You know, the dam year."

"Oh yeah." She went mad after watching her partner get beheaded and only won because she could outswim everybody else when a dam broke.

"If you refuse they'll kill one member of your family to send a warning. You have a lot of friends and family so it'll take a long time for all of them to be killed."

"Okay. How do you deal with it?"

"To be honest, I don't really. It's hard to make Annie think I'm happy about it because she think I like it there more than being with her. But telling her would be her." Now I see Finnick for who he really i.e. young boy, barely an adult, just trying to keep the people he loves alive. He's not the flirty, cocky person I thought he was.

"I'm really sorry."

"Me too. The people may hit you, or call you every name under the sun, but you have to pretend that you love it, otherwise they'll tell Snow"

"Thanks Finnick"

"Should we head back now?"

"Yeah."

"One more thing, if you ever need to talk to me in private, just buy me, okay? I'll do the same Mags or Annie buys you it's gonna to be for the same reason. Got it?"

"Yeah."

We head back and when we do he guides me to his own house in the 4's version of the Victor's Village. He leads me into a spare room and I fall asleep immediately.

 **I loved writing this chapter cause Finnick is one of my favourite characters.**

 **Thank you for reading this. It really means a lot to me. Till next time,**

 **TAD**

.


	3. The Letter

**Thanks so much to everyone who has replied. It really makes my day. Sorry it has taken me so long to update, but here's a word of advice; don't take art GCSE because there's so much coursework! I have spent every night trying to make it look satisfactory for the past 3 weeks, on top of the rest of my homework!**

 **Disclaimer-Unfortunately I do not own THG :(**

 **TAD**

"Katniss. Wake up. "As my eyelids flutter open I see Finnick standing in front of me. "You know. I'm surprised you didn't wake up in the night." He says thoughtfully and I realise, he's right! I didn't have any nightmares last night.

"Well, I guess I was pretty exhausted." That's true. I was exhausted after the swim.

"Is it time for me to go." I can think of no other reason why he would wake me up.

"Soon. But first I wanted you to meet Annie and Mags." He leaves me to get changed and when I do I head down.I instinctively go to the living room, knowing where it is because my house back in 12 is almost exactly the same as Finnick's. As soon as I walk in an old woman, who I can only guess is Mags.

She mutters something that I think is, "I'm sorry," into my ear, but I'm not sure because the mixture of her garbled speech and her accent. It sounds like she's had a stroke.

"I'm sorry about your girl." It sounds insincere because I don't know her name but Mags and Finnick understand. Of course they do, they're victors.

"Don't worry. As a community of victors we try not to hold deaths against each other."

I turn to say hello to Annie and get surprised when she says softly, "I really like your dress in the interview."

"Thanks. Cinna's amazing." I say surprisingly softly back. I wait for a reply but she's been sucked back into that world of hers.

"Katniss."

"Hmm?"

"I thought I would keep you company on your journey home and maybe meet your family."

"Why not?"

"We better get going." And we do. Finnick keeps me very good company on the train. We don't talk about the games or anything like that. Instead we decide to get to know each other a bit more.

"So, what's your favorite colour?"

"Green. What's yours?"

"Blue. Not a bright one, but one like the sea back at home." I conjure up the blue he's talking about. It's not all blue but a mix of blue and green, and maybe a bit of grey. I let him ask the questions because I don't want to ask him anything painful.

"When's your birthday?"

"May 8th."

"May 8th," he repeats, "I'll have to remember that."

"When's yours?"

"March 15th." I feel a stab of pain at those words. March was Peeta's birthday.

"What's wrong?" He says in a mix of confusion and worry.

"March 15th was Peeta's birthday too." I feel a tightness in my throat and I try to stop myself from crying.

"I'm really sorry they changed the rule." He says gently.

"It was stupid of me to believe them."

"No it wasn't. It may seem stupid now but it's different in the arena. You'll believe in anything that gives you a chance to go home."

"I shouldn't have let him die! It's my fault!" I'm crying and Fin nick's making soothing noises and rubbing my back.

"Katniss. I know it's not your fault, but I'm not going to say that because you're still going to believe it's true." This surprises me. But he is right. No matter what anyone says it is my fault that he's not here right now. "I just want you to think about what you're doing. Peeta wanted to die to give you a life. Do you think he'd have wanted you to spend the rest of your life upset about him?" I hear this and nod. It's true. Peeta wouldn't want me to be upset about him.

We spend the rest of the journey huddled together, until I am completely calmed down

As I get off the train I realise it is the first time I have got off one without crowds on people watching my descent.

Finnick clears his throat, pulling me back to reality.

"So which way do we go now?"

"It's just this way. It's not far.12 a lot smaller than District 4." Finnick chuckles at this.

"It's this one." I say as I open the door.

"Katniss? Is that you?" I hear my mother calling from the kitchen.

"Yeah. I've got someone I would like you to meet. Although you'll have to make

Lunch for 4."

"How was it?" Prim says as she walks in. "Hello" I can see surprise on her face as she greets one of the most famous people in Panem.

"Prim. This is Finnick." I tell her, although she already knows immediately who he is.

"HI. It's great to meet you." Finnick says graciously. At this point my mother walks in. She's a bit more composed than Prim when she sees Finnick.

"Hello. I hope you like beef."

"Certainly, Mrs. Everdeen, although I can't say I eat a lot of it. I'm more used to fish." This lightens the mood a bit.

We have our lunch of beef stew while we, that is to say, Finnick, Prim and my mother, make small talk. They know from having had a victor in the house for a few weeks not to mention anything remotely related to the games.

Finnick gets everyone chuckling with a ridiculous story about how a turtle once swam away with his hat.

"So Prim. Do you know how to swim? Your sister certainly does."

I swoop in before Prim can say the wrong thing.

"I only know because we've got a big bathtub and I guess Prim doesn't spend any time in there." Finnick seems to put two and two together. Prim giggles and says,

"Of course I do!"

After Finnick did the dishes, which seemed to improve my mother's feelings towards him, we decided to go to town. I didn't want to but Finnick insisted.

I notice the stares at once. Of course they stare. But the thing is, I can feel a sort of hatred coming with the stares. Of course there is. To them, Finnick Odair is the Capitol darling. They think he loves it there. Will they think I do too? I just want to shout at them: _It's not his fault!_

"Katniss, can we go into the bakery."

"Why do you want to go in there?"

"I want to pay my respects."

"Fine." I don't want to encounter Peeta's mum again.

I almost sigh with relief when I see look up as the bell tinkers on our way in.

"Hello Katniss." Then he notices Finnick.

" . I'm truly sorry about Peeta." I think that's all he's going to say but then he takes a deep breath and continues. "You may not remember but I came here in my victory tour." What? I didn't know that. But then, why would I? "I sat down for a bit and talked to Peeta. He was only about eight at the time but he was already so good with words. He seemed to think I knew the answers to everything although I was only fourteen. He told me all about how there was this girl at school, who always wore a braid in her hair, and had the sweetest voice. He told me how one day, he wanted to marry her, but he didn't think she wanted to marry him. I told him that if he was the kindest, most likeable boy he could be, that was all he could do. I told him that maybe that little girl wouldn't fall in love with him, but if he had done that, that was all he could've done. And you know what he told me? He said that he would be sad if she didn't want to marry him, but if she was happy with somebody else, he would be happy because she was happy. He was such a kind, thoughtful boy at eight, and he grew into a brave, loyal teenager and I was glad to have met him, even for an hour." I am stunned at this. Did Peeta really say those things? He was such a kind person that I don't doubt it for a second.

"Thank you." finally chokes out. Then as if he hasn't done enough, Finnick buys all but a few cakes and pies in the shop, he leaves some so that will be able to provide for anyone who wants to buy one and asks me to help carry them.

"Where to?"

"There's a poor part of 12, isn't there? Where you grew up?" I nod confused.

"I thought everyone might want a cake or biscuit." I would hug him but my arms are laden with cakes.

We go to each house it the Seam and give each person a slice of cake, a pie, a bun or a biscuit. I'm grinning like a mad man and when we stroll into the Hob, not one person looks at Finnick with anything except admiration. Finnick buys something from every stall with the claim that it will liven up his home.

When I see him off I think to myself that Finnick is the opposite of what everyone thought he was.

When I finally get back home, my mother immediately pounces on me.

"Where were you all that time? I thought you and Finnick were just going to town!"

"We were mum! But then-"

"Katniss! He is almost ten years older than you!"

"Mum" I groan. "I'm not in love with him. We just went to the bakery because Finnick wanted to pay his respects, and then he bought all the cakes and pies so that he could give everybody in the Seam one. He even left a few in the bakery so that if someone from town came, they would still be able to have one!" This shocks my mother. She only ever saw him as the flirtatious Capitol darling on TV, not the broken young man who he actually is.

"Well, that was a very generous thing for him to do." And with that she walks out, and if I'm not mistaken, smiling.

At that moment the phone rings and Prim calls, "Katniss! It's for you!" I rush to the phone and am relieved to hear Cinna's voice, rather than Snow's slimy tones.

"You need to have a talent that you have decided to pursue after the games. I have had Effie send you a list of things you might do."

"Okay, thanks."

"Goodbye Katniss"

"Bye." A talent! I completely forgot about that! I guess they don't count hunting illegally so I don't know what else to do.

Just then Prim walks in with the list of appropriate talents I might consider doing. Prim seems to have a knack for all of them but I'm hopeless at all of them. I go over to Haymitch to see if he can shed some light on my predicament. He, however is too drunk to be of much use.

"You could learn how to be a lumberjack!" He guffaws. "Or you could learn how to spear fish!" At that point he laughs so hard that he falls over. Then I think of it. Fishing! That way I would have to go to 4 regularly, meaning Finnick could coach me on the dos and don'ts of being a whore.

I run out and immediately call Cinna.

"Hey Katniss. What's up?"

"I know what my talent should be! I'm going to learn how to fish!"

"That's a great idea!" And it's settled. I will go to 4 once a week for Finnick to give me fishing instruction.

I am beaming to myself until Prim comes up to me and says, "There's a letter addressed to you. Here it is." She hand it me and snuggles down next to me. I unwittingly open it there and then, forgetting about Snow's warnings and almost shriek when I read,

 _Dear Miss Everdeen,_

 _Mr. Odair was extremely pleased with your performance._

 _I have another client who would like to see you 2 weeks from now._

 _You will journey to the Capitol and you will wear a garment given at a later stage._

 _Make sure you perform well,_

 _President Snow._

 **Sorry again for the ages it took to update. I have so much going on but I'll try and update it more in the Christmas holidays. I can't believe it's nearly Christmas! Yay! I'm really thankful to the people who have followed this story or commented on intuit really makes my day.**

 **TAD**


	4. The Mayor's House

**Hi, I'm so sorry that it took this long to update! My laptop broke and then I had GCSE mocks! Hope that you guys think it was worth the wait. Please comment because I would love to hear some feedback on my writing.**

 **Disclaimer- Violence and mild sex**

 **Another disclaimer-Unfortunately I don't own any of these characters. *sobs***

 **TAN**

I immediately burst into tears and Prim starts to try and sooth me before I run up to my room, lock the door and refuse to come out. Prim and mother try to get me to explain why I started sobbing just because of a letter.

I can't do this! I can't do this! Two weeks! That's all I have! I wonder what this man will be like, if it is even a man. Who knows? I need to convince Gale to have sex with me before it. My selfish side wants to do it with Finnick because it means I wouldn't risk destroying my friendship with Gale. But I know Finnick loves Annie and is already forced to have sex with enough people anyways.

When I think they have gone and I have cried myself out and come up with my cover story, I open the door and creep out. At once Prim has pushed me into my room and shut the door behind us.

"I know you don't want to tell mum, but you can tell me." No. I can't, but she can't know that.

"Oh Prim, it's nothing. Just had a flashback" I can tell that she doesn't buy it

"Then why was it triggered by that letter?" Oh my god! Why can't she just swallow my lies whole!

"I don't know! They just come sometimes!" Well, I'm not lying, they do.

"I don't get it."

"I didn't think you would! You've never had to go into the arena! You have no idea what it's like!" she starts to cut me off but I'm already in my stride. "And don't even say you've grown up watching the games! That's nothing compared to being in them!"

"No Katniss, I don't, but maybe I would if you helped me?" She says in a calm voice

"I've already told you; don't ask me about the games." She seems to understand and she leaves me hugging myself, lost in my own thoughts.

I am surprised when my mother walks in.

"If you've come to give me a lecture you can leave."

"I haven't actually; I've come to tell you something. I know I've never been in the games but I've seen the effects of it, and I'm not as naive as others to think it's the victors' own faults. Think about it, nobody comes out of the arena really. You either lose or survive, there's no winning really." Yes, that is exactly right, I never really won the 74th hunger games, only survived them. "You know what Haymitch is like, lots of people here blame him, but I know why." How does she know all this? "Has Haymitch told you about his games?"

"Only a bit about the aftermath of it." I don't know if I'm actually aloud to say that the Capitol killed all is family, but my mum gets it.

"Well, as you know, 48 tributes were picked, and," she takes a deep breath and says. "My best friend was one of them." This shocks me, I've never heard of this friend, but I know that mum would never tell us because we would want to know how she died. "Her name was Masillee Donner." Donner? I know that name.

"Like Madge's mum?"

"Yes they were twins." My mother says sadly.

"Is that why-" My mother nods before I even finish. Madge's mum has terrible headaches that keep her in bed for days.

"You see, the games can leave scars on people who have never even been to the Capitol. But I know, it's much worse actually being in them. See, he blames himself for not saving her. It's quite like you." Wow. I never knew I shared this bond with Haymitch. "But he didn't even have any family to help him get through it. I know before I even ask that you're not going to tell me, and I understand that. I don't want you to fall into a vice for comfort as many other victors do. So you are going to walk out that door and talk to Haymitch and if you don't want to do that, call Finnick. I'm not going to lose you the way you had to lose me. I will never forgive myself for that, and I know you wouldn't either."

"Thanks." I surprise myself by hugging her. "I'm really sorry but I'm going to the Capitol in 2 weeks."

"Okay Katniss. Why don't you go talk to Haymitch?" Just then someone knocks on the door. My mother goes to open it. After a few minutes she walks in, she looks terrified.

"Katniss, there's someone here to see you."

"This way please, Miss Everdeen." It feels odd to be ushered around your own home but I don't say anything. I understand my mother's trepidation when I walk into the office and am greeted with President Snow.

I'm about to say something when he raises his hand, as if to shush me, until he has finished his page.

"Please sit Miss Everdeen. I am very pleased to say that Mr. Odair spoke most highly of your performance. I just pray for your family's sake that you haven't peaked too soon. I'm afraid I haven't just come to say hello. I would like you to show me around this quaint district of yours on Sunday. I will here at 10:30 sharp" Gale will be furious. Sunday is the only day he is able to see each other.

He gives me a victorious expression; he knows that he is denying me of seeing Gale for most of the day. I'm sure he wouldn't want to have a tour of 12 otherwise.

"It would be an honor."

He walks out and I follow him.

When he is gone my mother anxiously asks, "Katniss, what was that about?"

"Oh, it was nothing. He just wants me to show him around 12." She looks shocked at this.

"Wow. That must be an honor." She chokes out finally.

"Yeah. But it means that I can't see Gale until the afternoon. I'm going to go see him tomorrow, even though he'll be tired. I think he'd like to find out from me."

I spend a restless night tossing and turning, wondering how I will break it to Gale.

Saturday dawns bright and warm. Prim persuades me to walk with her to town to buy some bandage for my mother. I've never been in the apothecary. It's run by mum's brother but he hates people from the Seam which is why he hasn't spoken to my mother after she left town to marry my father. She must have really loved him to live in the Seam.

"I feel I haven't talked to you about anything normal anymore." Prim snaps me out of my ponderings.

"That's because there is nothing normal in my life anymore Prim." The Capitol took away anything normal the second they her name out in the reaping.

"Yeah but there are still normal things about your family and friends' lives and they're part of your life." True.

"Okay, how's school?" School seems pretty ordinary.

"Quite boring, but it's better now." Yeah, school was always boring; one of the only good things about winning the games is that I don't have to go to school anymore.

"Why's it better now?"

"Cause you're not in the games." She says bluntly. I guess I never really thought what watching your sister in the games would be like. It must have been awful for a girl who's scared of everything. To be honest it would be awful for anyone.

"Yeah. Just so you know, I have to show Snow around 12 tomorrow so he'll come to our house at 10:30."

"But that means you won't be able to see Gale in the morning!"

"Yeah, I know. I'm not happy about it either, but you can't say no to the Capitol."

At that point we walk into the apothecary.

"Can I have one roll of bandages please?" This raises the eyebrows of the person who must be mum's brother.

"Sure you can afford it?" He says in a malicious voice. He must not be able to recognize me under my hood.

"Yeah, fairly sure." I try to ignore his condescending expression.

The price he announces with his smug smile is clearly too much. It's not that I care about him wanting more money. It's just him wanting more money because he doesn't want me to be able to afford it, since he thinks I'm from the Seam.

"Isn't that a bit too much?" I say with a calm voice that I'm trying to keep that way.

"No it isn't, just a bit too much for you." He says with a sneer.

I look at the prices see that the correct amount is a lot less than he says it is.

"The signs say it's a lot less than you say it is."

"The signs are wrong. I can't have you seam rats using all my supplies to try and live your wretched lives for a bit longer." This makes me want to slap him. Instead I just pull of my hood.

"Actually, I'm not from the Seam, I'm from the Victor's Village." I say in my sweetest voice. His face is hilarious. It turns into a mask of shock and then horror.

"Oh…uh…sorry Miss Everdeen." He apologizes for ages then gives me a reasonable price.

When we walk out Prim starts to giggle.

"Did you see his face?"

"Yep. To be honest all I wanted to do was slap him."

I spend the rest of the day hunting, which is good because it keeps my mind off things.

At about six I take the game to Hazelle.

"Oh, hello Katniss."

"Hi. Here's the game. When does Gale come back again?"

"He should be back in a few minutes."

"Okay, thanks."

"Why don't you sit down?" Hazelle says kindly

Just as I lower myself down Gale stomps in.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" He says with surprise.

"I need to talk to you." He takes the hint and we walk out of the house

"What?"

"Gale, I'm really sorry but I have to go back home at about ten tomorrow because Snow wants me to show him around 12." Gale scowls at me.

"Fine." And with that he storms back into his house.

I walk back home lost in my own thoughts. Prim and my mother try and coax some stew into me but I refuse and just decide to go to bed early.

However when sleep finally comes, it is filled with Peeta. When I wake up I feel tears on my cheeks. It's only four so I just sit on my bed, crying for Peeta.

At some point Prim comes in and embraces me.

"I'm sorry." I hiccup. "Go back to bed."

"No. I'm not going to bed until your fine."

"I'm never going to be fine!" I shout at her. She looks shocked, but I couldn't care less. It feels good to shout at someone.

"Katniss, you don't know that." She says reproachfully.

"Yes I do! Look at all the other victors! Do they look fine to you?"

"Some of them do. And you're going to be one of those people."

"Which ones look fine then?"

"Well, Finnick didn't look too bad."

"Just because he didn't look bad doesn't mean that he wasn't feeling bad! He's just good at hiding it!"

It takes Prim about an hour to calm me down.

"I'm really sorry Prim. I can't believe I shouted at you like that."

"Don't worry. It's always good to get things off your chest."

I get into my hunting clothes and set off to the woods. I'm sitting on a rock at Gale's and my special place when he taps me on the shoulder. I guess part of me will never leave the games, or the games will never leave me, because I instinctively swing around, punch him and draw an arrow before I am aware of what I am doing. I look down in shame.

"Sorry."

"Still in the games huh?" He says, wincing as he feels his eye. "You have a good punch."

We hunt as usual, but when it's nearing 10 I say. "I have to go now. I should be back at around you want to meet at our place?"

"Sure. I might as well walk back with you. I have things I have to do in town and I think my family would like to see me."

When I get home I take a shower and put on a green sweater that Cinna made and a pair of trousers that apparently are called jeans. I sit at the top of the stairs until I hear a knock on the door. I run downstairs, take a deep breath and open the door. I'm surprised because the only person I can see is a man who is wearing the outfit of a capitol attendant.

"The president has requested that you walk to the square. You will be greeted there."

"Okay." I'm really confused. I can't understand why I would need to walk to the square first.

The first thing that I see when I enter the square is two capitol men, looking very out of place.

They see me and walk over.

"Why hello Miss Everdeen." One of the men says flirtatiously. He has styled blue and green hair, with black stubble and to go with it, a grin on his face which shows off his gleaming white teeth. He looks to be about other man has cold eyes and an ugly smirk. He hands me a letter.

 _Dear Miss Everdeen,_

 _These men have purchased you and will spend their time here with you. You will also have lunch with them at the Mayor's house. Do exactly what they want; I've heard the mines are very unstable at the moment._

 _Yours truly,_

 _President Snow._

The man's smirk increases. The one with the blue and green hair courteously pulls out a bouquet of roses, more specifically Snow's roses.

"My name's Achilles. He's Caligula." He jerks his head

"Thank you, they're lovely." I say with a forced grin.

"Not as lovely as you though." Uh, romantic talk.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I force out. He lets out a hearty laugh. Then he pulls me in and starts to kiss me. I think Prim and start to kiss back.

When we break apart I can see people glaring at this are what it's like to be Finnick. As I slip my arm into his I see Gale storming out of the square. We make idle chit chat as we slowly meander to Mayor Undersee house.

"So what makes you come all the way to 12?"

"The President requested us to check on the Mayor. He said we might as well get used to dealing with politics."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you don't know? I've just become one of the more important 's been up there for quite a while. Now he's only a few down from even say we're VIPs."

"Wow." Luckily I don't have to talk about gamemakers anymore because we have arrived at the Mayor's house and Madge is there to greet us.

"Hello, why you don't come in.I'm afraid I don't know which one of you is which. See, they gave us your names but not a picture to with them." She gives with a very fake laugh.

"Oh, well I'm Achilles Romero."

"So you must be Caligula?" Madge says cheerfully.  
"Yes. We'll go talk to your father while Katniss gets ready." They walk off and Madge leads me to her room. She sits me down on the bed.

"Katniss, I'm so sorry."

"I thought nobody was supposed to know." I say bitterly.

"Well, somebody needs to get you ready."

"I don't know if I can do it." Madge grabs my hand.

"Yes you it for Prim."

"Okay." I say meekly. She pulls me into a hug. Then she gets up and hands me a bag with small amount of cloth in it.

"Is this what I'm supposed to be wearing?" I say in disgust.

"Yes." She says with a similar expression to mine. "I'll show you to the room and then you can change." Just as I've finished changing Caligula walks in with a triumphant smirk.

"Do you know my name Katniss?" Why can't he just get it over and done with?

"It's Caligula."

"Well done. But it's the last name that might shock you a bit. It's Crane. Yes Katniss just like Seneca Crane. He's my father. President Snow wasn't thrilled with your stunt with Rue and the flowers. He was especially displeased with my father for not having the brains to send a gust of wind to blow them away. When the President isn't very happy with somebody that somebody doesn't continue breathing for very long. So I've decided to come and make you pay." Oh shit! "The President doesn't want your face to be ruined and said that no broken bones were aloud but anything else is fair game. So I brought this lovely medicine. Any mark will be gone immediately." His smirk is curling as he slaps me so hard that I see stars. As I fall onto the bed he grabs my wrists and laughs when I try to wriggle free. "Now, now Miss Everdeen, no resisting, otherwise I may have to tell the President you did very badly." He shackles my wrists and ankles to the bed posts. He rips my bit of cloth off and roughly grabs my breasts. All I'm thinking is for Prim, for Prim, for Prim. He punches me in the stomach and grabs my thighs roughly. He carries on like this for quite a while until I feel very bruised and battered. Then he pulls off his shirt and trousers and lies on top of me, biting my neck and he inserts his penis and I scream at the pain. "Be quite Everdeen, you're not being a very good client." I bite my lip as he pushes in again and again, grunting. He unshackles me as well and giving me a few blows at the same time. He tells me to turn over and I do and see him pulling out a whip. "Please no." I whimper.

"Shut up!" He shouts as he slaps me back, knocking all the air out of Prim, for Prim, for Prim. He whips me again and again, sending flares of pain through can't be a proper whip but it certainly does hurt. He spanks me and then starts giving me what I've been unfortunate to hear other girls call an anal. It hurts a lot and all that's keeping me from crying out is the thought of Prim. He finally gets up and roughly turns me around. He smashes me in the gut and slaps me again. "Does that feel good, bitch?"

For Prim, for Prim, for Prim. "Yes." I choke out.

"Excellent, I'll give you a few more then." He throws me around like a rag doll but I can't do anything to stop him. He puts his hand on my windpipe and vocal cords and smirks as he asks. "Want more bitch?" I can't respond and he smacks me and shouts. "Answer me bitch!" He lets go of my throat. "No." I croak.

"I think I'm going to call the President to tell him what a bad girl you've been."

"No! Please!"

"You've told me that you don't like this and you've tried to stop me from doing other things. It's your own fault." He kicks me brutally few times and then grabs a hand held phone.

"Hello, I would just like to inform you that Katniss Everdeen has been most displeasing towards me. She wouldn't let me get close to her and she even laughed in my face when I asked her to get undressed. Could you please inform the President...Yes...Thank you." He turns around and gives me an evil look. "Get up." I do and he pushes me onto the bed and puts the cream onto my face, deliberately putting some in my eye, which stings even more than that weird shampoo from the Capitol. He also puts it on my neck and hands. "Everything else should be covered by clothes. But I think I'll leave this for your wounded boyfriend to find." He gives me a hickey and starts to walk out with the cream.

"Wait, you haven't done the rest of my body."

"Oh, I didn't mean to. Wouldn't want to take away all the pain would I?"

 **At least we can all agree that Caligula's a dick. Please comment. I'll also try to update as quickly as I can.**

 **TAN**


	5. Accidents

**Hey guys, thank you for carrying on reading! I know I haven't had a very reliable upload schedule and I will try my best to make that better but I don't think I'll be able to because I've got a lot of school work and stuff like that. Comment if you have any ideas or constructive criticism, or if you just want to say that I am amazing *nervous laugh***

 **Disclaimer-Sadly I don't own THG. Sad times isn't it?**

"Oh, I didn't mean to. Wouldn't want to take away all the pain would I?" These words reverberate in my head. What happens if Prim or my mother sees this, they'll know this was no clumsy mishap. If they're still alive that is. Snow will probably take this out on one of my loved ones. I wonder which one he'll take out first. I doubt he would be stupid enough to kill them all because then I'd be like Haymitch, a person with nothing to lose.

Madge bursts in and gasps when she sees me. She rushes over and gives me a hug which makes me wince.

"Oh Katniss, I heard it but I didn't think it would be this bad."

"It doesn't even matter. I asked him to stop so he called Snow and said I wasn't doing what he had asked. Snow's going to kill someone in my family! And it'll be my fault!" I sob into her shoulder.

"We need to go down to lunch. Don't let him see you in pain. Don't let him win." So I do just that. Madge helps me get dressed and I walk down without as much as a wince and with my head held high.

"Madge, I heard you play the piano, do many people here play the piano?" Asks Achilles.

"Well not many people have a piano here." I think Madge is the only person in the whole district with a piano.

"Oh, I suppose not. I was very impressed with you during the games." He says in his stupid accent, turning to me

"Thank you."

"I was particularly amazed when you figured out how you made Cato fall off the cornucopia." Does he have no tact? Madge is shooting me apologetic glances from across the table.

"That was actually Peeta who did that." I say a bit too sharply

"I'm very sorry about him. I'm sure he was a pleasant young man." I'm annoyed that he just brushes Peeta off like that. He was so much more than just a 'pleasant young man.' I have to bite my cheek to stop me from saying that and more.

We finish lunch and just as Achilles is leading me out Caligula says, "Don't worry; she's nicely broken in now." Even Achilles looks at him in disgust but hides it quickly. The Mayor gives me a sympathetic look and walks out with Caligula. Madge gives Achilles a scathing look behind his back and walks out.

Achilles and I walk upstairs and I lie on the bed at his request and he takes off my clothes. He looks in shock at my bruised and battered body.

"Caligula must have got carried away with you. He does like to take them hard and fast."

He thumbs my clit for a bit and then pushes into me. It hurts a lot less than when Caligula did it but I think that it is because he did it slowly. He reaches his climax and I do shortly after and then he just lies down next to me, panting.

"You know, my job as a game maker was to make the mutts. So I made the wolf like creatures. They're actually called werewolves and they're from old books." So this is the dick that made Cato's death agonizing and horrific.

"You're very talented." I manage to choke out

"I've never seen anybody as talented as you with a bow. You did scare the living daylights out of me, shooting at that pig. I'm very glad you did though. It was worth it to see Plutarch landing in that bowl of punch." He gives a laugh and I do, following his lead.

"I've always been really interested in the History of Panem, particularly about the rebellion. I really like to look deeper into the motives behind why the districts rebelled in the first place." Why would he care about that? Doesn't the Capitol just tell them that we rebelled for no reason?

"I remember wishing that I was allowed to bet, because if I was, I would bet on you." Cinna said that exact thing to me but he's looking at me like there's supposed to be some deeper meaning behind it.

He carries on for ages. Its 2:30 by the time he says, "We'd better go now."

He pulls on his neatly folded suit and disappears. Madge instantly rushes in.

"Katniss, how do you feel?"

"I feel so dirty Madge."

"Why don't you go take a shower?"

I'm in the shower for ages, trying to scrub of the dirt that never seems to disappear. I want to go straight to my house to take Prim away but I know that if Snow wants her dead, she's going to be gone by morning. I decide to just go to the woods and try to make it up to Gale since I'm going to be late and there's nothing I can do to stop one of my family members having an accident.

I rush out to the woods after telling Madge that I don't want to talk at the moment. I think she saw right through it but understands anyways.

I see Gale sitting on a rock, staring into the hills. I know he's heard me but he isn't saying anything.

"Hey" He just turns his head away. "What's your problem?"

"I've been waiting here all afternoon, that's my problem." He says angrily.

"Look, I'm sorry." He gives a disbelieving snort. "I thought I was showing around Snow, but instead there were some VIPs from the Capitol, and they just had to meet the famous Katniss Everdeen."

"And of course these VIPs just happened to be men."

"Gale-" I admonish

"I saw the way they were throwing themselves at you! Do you think I'm too stupid to see what was going on? You get called on so called, Capitol business and then Finnick Odair comes strolling into 12, with you!"

"You know I hated that just as much as you did?" He turns away. "You do believe me right?"

"I would've, if I hadn't seen the kiss." I want to strangle him. He's angry at me for being forced to be a whore.

"You have no idea what my life is like anymore!" I chuck a rock with my force and sink to my knees, tears in my eyes.

"Then tell me." Gale says tenderly.

"I can't." He kneels beside me and puts his arm around me.

"Since when did we keep secrets from each other?"

"Since Prim's name got called."

"Catnip, you know you can still talk to me, right?"

"Not about everything. Not anymore."

"Is that why you were talking to Odair?" He sneers when he says 'Odair'.

"Pretty much."

"Why not Haymitch?" He challenges.

"Because Haymitch won 24 years ago and he's also never been as popular as me or Finnick."

"What does popularity have to do with it?"

"A lot."

"So you'd rather talk to pretty boy Odair than me?" He says angrily

"Gale! Have you ever killed someone? Have you ever seen the light leave their eyes and know that somewhere someone is crying for them?"

"Katniss, you did what you had to-"

"Yeah, and you never had to. I talk to Finnick because he's just as messed up as me."

"Katniss, you're not messed up."

"You know I am. That's what all of us victors have in common. I talk to Finnick because he's one of the few people who know exactly what it's like."

"Katniss, please trust me when I say, you're not messed up. You're like any of them-"

"What do you mean any of them? You think it's their fault that they're like that. I bet you think that Haymitch chose to be a drunk. If I'd been through what he'd been through, I would be."

"Katniss, but you can't be a drunk. Prim and your mother need you. I need you."

"All of your lives would be better if I'd just died in that damn arena."

"Katniss, I don't know what I'd do if you hadn't come back."

"Whatever, let's get back. Sorry that you didn't get anything today. Would you like to come to supper with the kids and your mum?" I say dismissively

"Sure. I think they'd like that."

We head back under the fence and all I can think about are those stupid things Gale said. How can he think that I can talk to him about everything now? He'd go over the edge and try to storm the Capitol if he found out what I was forced to do. He'd end up killing himself. Each step sends shoots of pain up my body but I think I hide it well.

I am pulled back to sharp reality when I see Haymitch looking particularly grim. I run to him and collapse into him, all pain forgotten.

"Who is it?"

"I'm so sorry Katniss-"

"I have to know. Who?" I see Prim walk out sobbing into Hazelle and I know who.

"It's mum, isn't it?" I sob into him. His silence is affirmative. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit!" I push past him and even as Prim extends her arms to embrace me, tears rushing down her face, I push her out of my way. My mind is almost numb. All I can think is that it's my fault. It's my fault! I see a chair in my way and I smash it against the floor. I push the table, screeching. As I try to smash everything in this damn house I here Prim say, "What's the matter with her? When dad died she was just silent for days. She's never like this."

"You don't want to know. Hazelle can you take Prim with you for a couple of hours? Katniss won't be able to deal with her on her own just yet. Can you just wait until I've calmed her down" Haymitch says gruffly.

"But she needs help. Prim needs her as well."

"The only help she can get is from media can't explain it, but please just let me deal with her."

"Okay. I don't know why I'm doing this, but fine."

"But I want to be with Katniss." I hear Prim sob. I want to get to her but I can't. I'm lying surrounded by fragments of furniture. I want to get up, but I can't. It's like someone is holding me down.

"Prim, I'm so sorry, but Katniss can't deal with anything right now, okay?"

"She'd never leave me! Haymitch, what's the matter with her?"

"I'm so sorry, but you have to go to the Hawthorne's for a bit. I'm sure Katniss wants to be with you, she just can't at the moment." That is the nicest thing I've ever heard him say.

"O-okay" Prim sniffles. I can hear them walk away and all my heart wants to follow, but I can't. I don't know why.

"Hawthorne, don't you think of going in there!" He must be talking to Gale. I'm glad; I don't want to deal with Gale at the moment.

"But I can help her." He protests

"No, you can't."

"You don't know anything about her Abernathy." He growls

"Nor do you. You don't know anything about the new Katniss. I'm sure you would be able to comfort Katniss Everdeen. You can't comfort the Girl on Fire."

"Sure as hell I can. They're the same person aren't they?"

"Not really. They intertwine, but the girl you would be dealing with in there is the one that you will never understand, because you've been lucky enough to have never gone into an arena."

"Get out of my way." Gale snarls.

"Go home because if you try to go in there I'll show you why I'm a victor! Go back home, for Prim. She needs you right now. "

"No she doesn't! She needs Katniss! I'm going to go in and find the old Katniss! The one that wouldn't bang some Capitol dick for the fun of it-" I hear a fist connecting with bone and flesh and hear Gale cry out.

"Never, ever say that again Hawthorne! If you ever say that again I will rip your throat out! Go home before I make you!"

"Fine you sick drunk!" I hear Gale stomping away and then I hear Haymitch walk inches comes and picks me up. He's surprisingly strong for his age and he soon has me in a chair in my room.

"What happened?" He says rubbing circles on my back.

"It was...it was Caligula Crane." I hiccup. "He wanted...he wanted payback because I killed his dad. Snow blamed him for my trick with the flowers and Rue, so he killed him. Caligula...he…hit me...he kept on hurting me...he made me...he made me..." I sob

"I know sweetheart, I know."

"Then he kept on hitting me and asked if I liked it...I said yes because I had to...so he hit me more! He asked again and I said no because it hurt so much...and he...he...called Snow and told him that I...that I didn't let him even get close to me! It's my fault!" I start sobbing uncontrollably.

"Sweetheart, Snow usually kills one of the victor's family members as a warning. He probably sent Crane specifically to hurt you. So that you'd never forget your...your first. I hoped he wouldn't, but he did."

"How did she..."

"The peacekeepers say she tried to attack them and the gun went off by accident. Other witnesses said she was gunned down walking into town."

He holds me for a long time and eventually I have calmed down enough to say, "I need to go to Prim."

"Okay. I'll clean this up while you're gone, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Just so you know, your boyfriend might not be too keen on me at the moment. I kind of punched him."

"I know. He deserved it though. Except that's not really fair, because I thought the same thing about Finnick until I won."

"I know. You can't tell him though. Boy's got a hot temper."

" , thanks Haymitch."

"Don't worry. I've had to go through this too. I figured I didn't want you to end up being my drinking partner."

I nod my head and tiptoe through that pieces of furniture littering the floor.

Hazelle envelops me in hug when she sees me approaching.

"Thank you so much for looking after Prim. Do you think you could become Prim's guardian, because I'll be going to the Capitol a lot and she can't end up in the community home? I would ask Haymitch but he also has to mentor."

"Don't worry about time and Haymitch will sort it out, after I've had words with him." She frowns.

"Gale deserved it you know." I shoot back

"I'm sure he did. I just want to know what he did to deserve it, so I can have words with him about what he did."

"Thanks."

"Katniss, I just want to say that I know that your life has changed because of those games and if you ever need help coping with anything, you can come to me. I owe that to your mum. She was such a good women. I know that you never forgave her for giving up after your father died, but she couldn't help it. She loved him so much." She's crying and I'm crying and she's holding me as she half carries me into her house.

Gale pulls me into a hug but I push him away. "Katniss?"

"You had no right to say those things about me! You don't know anything about me!" Hazelle looks shocked and Gale looks as if he's been punched.

"Katniss, I didn't mean that. I was angry with what I saw you doing with that Capitol prick and then Abernathy didn't let me in to talk to you. I just wanted to shock him, that's all."

"You acted like we're a couple; you've never once even asked if I loved you! You never once said that you loved me!"

"Katniss, I-"

"Katniss? What's going on?" Prim says meekly. I rush over and hug her with all my might.

"I'm so sorry that I left you. I wanted to come to you, but I-"

"Just couldn't. I know Katniss." She says softly. "Just like mum. I wanted to do the same thing when Clove got you."

" you want to go home now?"

"Yeah. I just can't believe she's gone. I just can't." Tears roll down her cheeks.

"I know. Let's go home."

Prim starts sobbing by the time we're entering the Victors Village. The first thing we see when we enter the kitchen is my mother's dead body, surrounded by flowers. Just like I did for Rue. I'm nearly sick. I killed her! I killed her! Snow did this to punish me! I want to be sick but instead I say in a choked voice.

"Why don't you go upstairs?"

"Katniss, you can't stay down here alone." Prim pleads, tears rushing down her face at the sight of my mother's body, riddled with bullet wounds.

"Please Prim. I need to be alone." Prim seems to think she understands so she gives me a kiss on the forehead and heads upstairs. I just stand there, staring at my mother's corpse.

Being a victor is destroying my life. Gale's going to hate me, he wants to be in a relationship with me, and instead he's going to see me with hundreds of lovers instead of him. He's going to think I'm a whore. But isn't that what I am? Snow's whore.

Prim's going to hate me for always going to the Capitol to spend time with men rather than with her. Not knowing that I'm only doing this for her. I should have been the one to kiss her on the head in comfort, not the other way.

I see the liquor cupboard, fully stocked and I can't help myself. It helps Haymitch dull the pain, so surely it should for me too. I grab a bottle of the white liquor that Haymitch always drinks and take a swig. I cough and splutter like there's no tomorrow as it burns down my throat. It feels like fire, but I like it. It seems to burn away the present.

"Katniss, are you okay?" I here Prim calls down.

"Yeah!" I rasp

"You sure?"

"Yeah!" I take another swig, and another, and another. Everything seems to swim, but it means that I can't see the body. Instead I can see blonde hair and blue eyes. I hear my mostly empty bottle as I realise it's Peeta.

"Katniss, you have to go to bed, you can't drink, and you'll kill yourself!" I hear him say in Prim's voice.

"Fine!" I snap as I stagger upstairs. At one point I fall over on the stairs and I think I start bleeding and Peeta tries to drag me up, but he's nowhere near as strong as he used to be. Maybe death did some weird things to him. He actually seems a lot smaller than he used to be, he also has really long hair for a boy. It's only a couple of inches above his waist.

I collapsed into my bed and immediately pass out.

I jump up after I get freezing water dumped on me.

"Katniss!" The shout sends a throb of pain through my skull and I can eventually make out Prim.

"Here, take this." She shoves two pills into my hand. I do and immediately sober up. I realise I am naked and instantly pull my blanket around myself. Shit! She must have seen the-

"What happened to you Katniss?" Prim says sternly.

"I got drunk?"

"I know you did. Why are you so bruised?"

"I must have got them when I was destroying everything."

"But nothing on your hands? And you have a grope marks. I heard about you and those Capitol men. Katniss, you're only sixteen-" The thought that she's acting like mum sends shots of pain through my chest.

"Maybe, but I lost any chance of saying I'm still a girl when the first canon went off in that arena."

"But it's not healthy. You could get pregnant."

"No I couldn't, they were both wearing condoms."

"But you still came back bruised. That isn't healthy."

"It helps, okay Prim! Sometimes I just can't handle everything." I hope I sound convincing. "I promise I'll look out for you. I'll be there for you from now on."

"Just stop this." She pleads.

"I can't."

 **Sorry for killing off Katniss' mum! I knew that one of her family members had to go and it couldn't be Gale or Prim because of the story line, so Katniss' mother it was. If yo have any suggestions for what you want next, do comment. Until next chapter,which will hopefully be soon,**

 **TAN**


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